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| there has been a lot of this. |
We've hit the 2 week mark. It's crunch time and I cannot seem to motivate myself to finalize the things on my to-do list. I have spent an unbelievable amount of time planning for this trip (making lists, checking things off of lists, making spreadsheets & Google documents, staring at lists when I'm supposed to be doing something else, pawing my gear, thinking about lists, pondering, running errands, mentally preparing) yet in the final days it's as if I hit a wall. Or like I have forgotten that I am, actually, leaving soon. No big deal.
It's completely backwards. I have stressed and fretted and spent many nights panicking, yet as I approach the last few weeks it's as if my brain is anesthetized. Part of me hopes, for the sake of actually making it on the plane in some sort of prepared fashion, that my mind snaps out of it and I can become productive again but the other part of me feels like this is my body's defense mechanism kicking in and protecting me from complete emotional chaos.
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| should be an anxiety inducing situation. |
So... my food. Exactly one week ago I began assembling my mail drops and I have made no progress. I have set a goal this weekend: finish packing, stuffing, assembling, and addressing my mail drops and have them ready to take to the Post Office by Monday morning. The mayhem you see in the above photo would normally stress me out but I seem to be swimming in it, calmly. Marking baggies, labeling pills, ziplock-ing, packaging and un-packaging foods, gathering salt and pepper packets...
The more I think about it, I realize this journey is just going to be a bit of a guessing game. Just a little trial and a whole lot of error (and that is okay).
I find that I am second guessing every single decision I've made. Did I really need to buy an entire bag of garlic salt? Isn't my food salty enough? Why did I buy these expensive REI pill holders when I don't even have very many pills (and they only hold 3 anyway)? How are my trekking poles going to make the journey to the border?
A few questions that have yet to be answered and a few things that are weighing my mind down:
1. What am I going to wear? as in - what is my outfit?
2. Sun hat? When will I get one? Where? Why are they all so wrong?
3. What kind of box do I send an ice axe in?
4. Do I need the ice axe I bought?
5. THIS BEAR CANISTER - How do I pack it??
6. Did I do the right thing by choosing to "buy food as I go"?
7. Is my body going to survive the junk food?
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| when this is what your bed looks like. |
Our entire living space is littered with gear, priority mail boxes, maps, foods, opened foods (I keep ripping into the food I've bought and am eating it prematurely), and clothing. It's quite a scene. Also - I can't seem to find anything! I spent 30 minutes searching for my sewing kit.
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| maps maps maps maps |
Oh, and maps - We have finally finished getting them all in order! This is a relief. We used Yogi's Guide in order to be successful in our map organization. Without her recommendations, I'm not sure I would have known what to do with all of this data. She spells out exactly which maps to put with which PCT Data Book pages and this alleviates some of the difficulty...
I need to make some more lists. It's funny - I have so many lists floating around and have carried them with me religiously for months, yet at this point I seem to have lost them all and don't care to ever see them again.
Although I am feeling unprepared, yet terrifyingly calm, Ben and Angela seem to be kicking ass in regards to prep! Ben is working away at completing everything on his lists and is in a great state of mind. Angela... is a bit stressed but is also TOTALLY taking care of business and has even mailed her first boxes!!!
As these last few weeks pick up speed and start flying by, I plan on ramping up my preparation focus AND squeezing in as many beers, friends, and bits of normalcy as I can. Spring in Oregon can be enticing and I strive to soak in as many bits of Portland as I can while it lasts.
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| friend time during crunch time is key to my sanity. |
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| birthday cake - ben knows how to make a cake the right way. |
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| friends. |
2 comments:
I feel you on so much of this. I leave in a two weeks and I have moments where I feel normal and then moments where I go suddenly brain-dead and can't seem to think straight, like all the working memory in my brain is being used up by trying to plan my hike and it's breaking my brain. I chose to do resupply boxes because I know I can't do the junk food, but it means that I'm currently undertaking an organizational task well beyond the scale of anything I have attempted before and it's like I literally don't have the hard drive space in my brain for it. I just look at my piles of food and I get that little spinning rainbow wheel and I feel like I really need to lie down. Also I feel you on the sun hat- so so so bad! I tried to get the worst one I could find so I could wear it ironically but then I put it on and I was like no no no no no. For what it's worth I found a really fancy lightweight one for $12 at Ross Dress For Less in the wall. I also found a windshirt there for $20 that weighs 3.4 ounces.
I'm not bringing an ice axe because it's a low snow year. I have no idea if this is a bad idea because I don't actually know what a "low snow year" means. But somehow deciding not to bring an object which is heavy and difficult to ship has filled me with immense relief.
I am so looking forward to when I am on the trail and I have something else to focus on besides trying over and over in my brain to visualize 4,000 calories worth of food x 90 days.
Godspeed on your foodboxes!!
-Carrot
This is my first comment. I can't believe you leave tomorrow morning...... I can't fathom this undertaking yet. I ask myself question #2 also. And #3.
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